I don’t usually get super deep and raw here, but today it felt like I kind of could. I’ve been listing things I have learned or re-learned during the past year, and if any of these points resonate with you, I would love to hear more (use dms or leave the comment anonymous if you don’t want to have anyone to have access to what you share, both are fine for me).

I’m way more lonely deep inside than I ever realized

Not to concern anyone, because I bet so many others feel like this especially after last year. Not seeing others makes you lonely, in my case, it amplifies the feeling of being quite alone that I have normally anyway. Some days it truly accentuates the mental health struggles I have, other days it just feels like a natural part of me. I feel like not having as many external distractions as usual, I have reflected more about how and why I feel things and that had made me realize I actually do get quite lonely sometimes. 

There are not actually that many people who truly care how I am

Again, not to concern people, but I think if people wanted to know how you are, they would reach out. I want to believe that the scarier times have made people to not as easily connect with others, but also I know I only have a handful of people who actually care, and for others it’s more or less a social courtesy to maybe ask and that’s it. For a younger me that would’ve been a tough realization, at this age it’s really not. Of course part of this is probably due to me not having the energy to reach out to some of the people I used to, and as they haven't been able to pour their problems on me, they have decided not to even bother asking how I am. And some take one look on my social media, where I naturally don't post every low moment I have and they decide I'm more fine than I maybe am. And all of that is okay, saddening at first, but also no one is obligated to care, if they don't/it doesn't work for them.

I can handle loneliness/isolation - and it boosts my creativity in a way

Even though it’s a sad realization that I am more lonely than I thought, I can truly utilize it to learn more, create more and reflect more. Whenever I have time just for myself, I enjoy doing things that develop my skills, my mind or my creativity. And before someone asks if I’m overcompensating the lack of people with too much to do - I really don’t. I do sometimes just watch endless amount of silly YouTube, just enjoy music or read guilty pleasures like the Twilight saga (speaking of which, I just bought the gender bend version and the Edward’s perspective version of the book and can’t wait to read them soon). I'm definitely the kind of person who could put everything dark inside them into art if the feelings got unbearable.

You can get by with only very basic things

Indeed, you don’t need much to get by, however you may need things to truly thrive. But for getting by, you just need the basic needs to get filled, and everything else is kind of extra that make the life more worth it. You need food, sleep and hygiene, but of course fancy treats, ergonomic pillows and good-smelling soap make that all better. I absolutely enjoy the little pampers in life, but also the year has made me be more thankful for them.

The best asset a partner can have is being there for you, truly

I keep my relationship private, because I don't need strangers thinking they are allowed to give their two cents about it. That being said, I only have the best things to say about the relationship I'm in now. My boyfriend is my best friend and my partner in crime, and there are days when I couldn't do that well without him. Knowing he has my back whenever the hectic schedule gets the best of my or my PMS makes me a wreck of a human is truly the most wonderful feeling there is. 

...and the second best is understanding your love language

This 100%. If I had to give just one relationship advice to anyone, I think this would be it. Understanding your SO's love language is very big part of relationship communication, and in our household, we do quite a great job at understanding each other's languages, which thankfully are quite similar so no translations are needed. Not to mention we openly talk about these.

I’m way more into psychology than I thought

I've always been fascinated about humans and how they function and why they function the way they do. But in the past two years, much due to my bestie being in the field of psychology, I've gotten even deeper into it than ever. And I love everything I learn about psychology. 

...and won’t shut up about it if one makes the mistake that I can start talking about it

As my co-workers could tell you, I have a bad habit of inserting armchair psychology into convos. However, I try my best to remind people that the opinions are strictly my own, unprofessional and that for any further diagnosis or such, it's best to seek out a professional opinion. But if there's a change to talk about psychology, I always take it.

Knitting is a superior form of therapy for me, and I couldn’t do without it. 

Absolutely nothing makes me more calm than knitting, so it's an essential hobby for me. It's something I make time for at least weekly, sometimes daily. And on weekends, when you can't always see me on social media, I'm most likely knitting. This is why I'm so happy to also share my crafts with you.

While I love learning constantly, I’m so done with school for now once I graduate.

Studying while having a full time job is a pain in the butt, and I do not recommend it to anyone. And having done that actively for a couple of years now, I'm pretty much done with studying for a few years now. Thank goodness my studies should be all done by this summer so I can finally have a breather from learning for school.

Staying home is actually kind of fun. Even in the long run.

Even though the lockdown-like situation is sort of tiring in the long run, the actual staying home part isn't that bad. I'm very homebound person, so in most cases I would choose staying home regardless. And now I don't have to feel bad about it. It's how my introvert side loads its mental batteries, staying home and not seeing people.

I miss concerts and seeing people more than I thought I would.

On contrary to the previous statement, I still miss seeing people, going out and especially going to concerts and festivals. I may not go out much, but the few outings do wonders for the herd animal side of my human mind. And the lack of music events is especially saddening, because live music is something I truly live for. I can't wait for the time we can start going to concerts again, and will gladly do a hardcore quarantine if that only could make concerts come back sooner.

My psyche is stronger than I ever thought

The best thing 2020 has taught me is that I'm incredibly strong as far as my psyche goes. I can tolerate stress, lack of sleep, anxiety, uncertainty, sadness, loneliness and frustration all at once, and still manage to push through and eventually make myself feel better. Not to discredit the people in my life who do make my bad days easier, but lot of things come down to me and how I myself handle situations. And that, my lovelies, are something I'm proud of in myself. I can handle difficulties. I'm strong.

What's something you learned about yourself last year? Share thoughts in the comments!