What a provoking title. Clickbait-worthy, even. I don’t actually think these are all that provocative ones, unless you are the person who benefits from me not having said boundary. I said what I said. Disagree if you want. You're allowed to feel like that.

And as we live in the age of “mandatory disclaimers”, here’s one for you. None of these are telling how anyone else should be or behave. These are structures for me to stay happier and healthier both physically and mentally. If they offend you, that’s your shadow work to do, not mine. 

My gym routine comes first, and everything else is worked around that. 

The routine keeps me happy, sane and healthy, and therefore it is my number one priority. That, and my meal prep. That means half of my weekend goes into my well-being, and no amount of begging and guilt-tripping will change that. I’m not sorry for putting my health first. And I'm not sorry if that makes my schedule inconvenient for you.

If alcohol is one of the main activities, I’m not coming

I’m not saying I won’t drink any alcohol ever, but rather that drinking a bunch doesn’t align with my goals. It’s a lot of money spent that could go to something more fun like traveling, books or crafts, and with my workout schedule, there aren’t really slots for that either. I can’t drink a lot before a workout day, and I’m too tired to go anywhere on gym days. There are specific exceptions for this, but generally this is a rule I go by. I need people around me who can chill and have fun even with no alcohol involved.

If you refuse to celebrate my wins, I will decide we’re not friends.

I’m perfectly fine with people not being chronically online and not seeing everything I slap online - but when I know someone lurks on all my stories, yet doesn’t ever say a single thing about me accomplishing things I’m straight up telling I’m proud of, they’re not a friend. Friends lift up, friends celebrate. Acquaintances may not - and that is okay. This is not to say all my friends have to constantly just hype me up, obviously. I like reality checks, I usually have data to back up my decisions if my people question them, and I don’t shy away from deeper conversations. But when I feel like someone constantly gets weird about something going well in my life, I will pull away. I don’t need the jealous, competitive energy around.

I won’t answer most messages after 10PM.

I value my rest, so most replies can always wait until morning. The exception to this rule is my very inner circle. My phone goes in “Do not disturb” at 10PM sharp, and that’s that. Yes, you may see me online after that, posting, even, which I’m well within my right to do if I so please. Doesn’t mean I’m available for conversation. 

I’m not constantly available even in the daytime. 

Part of why we’re so stressed, anxious, burned out and feeling low is because our brains never truly rest with the constant bombarding of notifications - and the expectation we should react to everything right away. I won’t. I have most app notifications disabled (like all TikTok and FB notifications, majority of IG notifications apart from messages from my closest friends and favorite group chats, and all kinds of random app notifications from mobile games and whatnot), because there’s just no need for me to know things the second they happen. I’ll get to things when I get to them, and if you can’t handle waiting, I suggest you work on that. 

I will not respond to vague-posting, whether that's positive or negative.

I know some stories I post probably fall in this category too, I'm only a human too (and maybe sometimes I hope people take a fucking hint if they see it, which I do admit isn't a mature way to work, but sometimes it's just fun for me). But there are some personality types that time and time again vague-post about things - and to me, that comes off as "oh please ask me how I am" or "this is a test to show if someone cares", which is all fine when you're a teenager and figuríng this world out (and lets face it, everything is much more dramatic when you're a teen), but when you're a full-grown adult, this comes off as needy and attention-seeking. Either tell me straight up if there's something you want to tell, or don't, but don't expect any attention from your silly vague-posts. At least not from me.

I don’t tolerate people that are asses to my friends. 

It’s one thing you’re a jerk to me (I probably don’t care enough to get upset), but if you’re mean or disrespectful to my friends, we will have issues. Very simple. I also hold grudges longer (and harder) than my friends do so tread with caution. 

While I could probably knit/crochet/sew/craft that for you, I probably won’t.

It’s not my fault you haven’t learned the craft. I’m not born to be more talented than you, I just rather practice the skills than watch endless amounts of TV or TikToks or something - not to say one is better than another, it’s just that I rather do things with my hands and create things. Even if we’re friends, that doesn’t require me to lend these skills to you. “But I’ll pay you” is a beautiful sentiment, it really is, but I know all too well that once I tell you the price, there comes the whining. I actually have a whole draft about this I wrote years ago when I got mad at people, but never posted. I’ll proofread it and publish it with some added thoughts soon.

What I paid for something is none of your business.

I have some people in my life who are constantly asking if something’s new, where it 's from and what I paid for it. (A very boring conversation by the way.) Now, there’s a stark difference between genuinely being curious about something you don’t think you’ve seen before or seeing something you’ve been thinking of getting, and asking because you “secretly” compare your life to mine. If you’re not my partner, it’s absolutely none of your business how much money I blow on something. But if you have to ask all the time, the answer is “more than you can realistically afford”. Regardless of how our tax brackets actually compare, because I’ll answer this way out of spite.

I won’t participate mindless shopping anymore

I like browsing certain stores every now and then (especially obscure boutiques), but as a person who has more than enough stuff at home, I have to be more mindful of what I put my money into. I’m rather at the point where I try my best to declutter my belongings as I go, because the stuffed closets full of things kinda bring me more anxiety than happiness.  Therefore, I won’t encourage you to be thoughtless with your spending, and I won’t suggest shopping as an activity. To me, capitalism is not a hobby (anymore, I’m secure enough to admit I haven’t always had the best shopping behaviour - I talk a little more about that in a future post). 

I will not be forced to do things - I will rebel one way or another

If we have a working contract, I will take orders, otherwise, no fucking chance. Whenever I feel someone tries to force me into a box they have labeled for me, I will unfortunately become a nuisance. Whether that’s by malicious compliance or something else… Well that depends solely on my mood. 

I will take myself out of dynamics where people are constantly made fun of or dismissed

“It’s pretty cool for first try” is such a fucking backhanded compliment. If this needs to be written out for you; the “for xxx” part is the dismissive part, because it implies the thing being “complimented” would not be cool if it wasn’t the first time trying (aka for second try, it would kinda suck). And I’ve been given that by someone who calls themselves a friend for a craft project that took me dozens hours to do, and I was pretty proud of. Rubbed me the wrong way, and very much so actually. Same goes to people who think the best jokes are the ones that poke fun at every little thing someone else does (they usually cannot take similar jokes back) or to people who feel like someone’s misfortune is not worthy of caring about unless they check a certain set of boxes. (Like, you can’t be that tired if you don’t even have kids, etc.)

I will distance myself the second someone shows constant signs of jealousy, copying or competing

This goes together with some of the previous points - and I really want to elaborate further because I've been thinking about this a lot. I’m not even super privileged in this life, but still I come across this every now and then. Some people get very weird about the things I do or have or create, even though the vast majority of them are pretty accessible to average people. I don’t buy luxury items, I don’t use high-end makeup, I craft a lot of things myself (with skills I’ve learned all by myself), I may be able to go to the gym but each time that’s a gamble against all my chronic illnesses (I have several, not that’s any of your business really). And most importantly, I try to make most of my decisions based on what makes the most sense towards my 5-year plan, not based on what is the most fun or dramatic right now. And I’ve realized that to some, this stability is somehow enviable. Fair. But it’s also something you could affect yourself, so no use crying about me or my things when you don’t take a single proper step to fix yours. 

As for competing, this is even weirder than jealousy to me. I’ve had people try and start the same hobbies I’ve shown online despite not showing any interest in them before I showed mine and (le gasp) got praised for it. (Not by the ones who compete, of course, those people will always be silent. Because goddess forbid I get even more attention for something.) Or, they desperately try to copy the hair, copy the style, copy the home decor or whatever else. Which is funny to me because I’d love to see some independent thoughts rather than soulless copying. But you do you boo. And no, trying to copy-paste any of my things doesn’t actually make us grow closer because your approach is not genuine.

Another mandatory disclaimer here; I obviously am glad if I can inspire someone to try something new or express themselves more freely or whatever, and I will love talking to you about the similar interests we have. This is about the people who try to plaster on the blue-print of me and claim they always were like that without actually doing the work behind it. I shouldn’t need to write this out, but since we can’t have nuance these days and everything has to be spelled out…

Anyway, those are all my ramblings today. Proofreading this through makes me see my healing era (from people pleasing) kinda makes me a meaner person (for some), but I’d rather be real than palatable so that’s that. I think next week we’ll circle back to the crafting boundary point and learn together why it’s absolutely insane to expect free work from crafty individuals. In other words, I’ll keep ruffling feathers over here. 

And don’t worry, I’ll promise not everything I want to say nowadays is a sarcastic or negative ramble, I actually do have a lot of lighter posts thought out and waiting for their time - but there’s something so freeing to just write out things that have been on my chest. And yes, these could all stay in a private diary, but I rather type them out for potentially anyone to see, because maybe someone else is feeling the similar things and this makes them feel less alone.