Short answer: everything. But let’s get more detailed.

If you’re somehow offended that I’m once again going on and on about gym and working out, you don’t have to be here. I won’t know if you read this or not. But please use your time on something that brings you joy rather than hate-reading this. 

For the rest of you, let's get further!

Using a screenshot of an IG story as a picture for this post because I personally liked how all these photos looked.

My relationship with food. As a product of the 90s and early 2000s, I used to believe women should eat like sparrows, carbs are bad, fats are bad, too much protein makes you instantly gain weight, etc. Just overall that food is the enemy and that it had to be overthought. While that’s not really true. Your body needs calories and nutrients to function, and food should be somewhat enjoyable. Life is far too short to overcomplicate your relationship with food, just know what personally works for your body and remember to eat enough, and that’s basically it.

My relationship with my body. Continuation to the first point, but of course I’m grown up thinking I need to be thin, small, conventionally feminine and whatever else. That doesn’t necessarily work with strength training; When you build strength, you’ll eventually build muscle. When you build muscle, you possibly get heavier, and at some parts, bigger (like thighs and shoulders). As I’m typing this, I’m the heaviest I’ve ever weighed. But at the same time, I’m probably the healthiest I’ve been since I was a teen. And I feel good.

Exercise is the reward, not the punishment. Now I’ve never actually hated exercising, but I reckon I had a hard time finding my sport because I didn’t realize strength training was an option (and that you don’t have to be a competing level fitness person to do it). Also, I had the habit of stress running some years back - every time my life felt like shit, I ran (away from it). I’ve talked about this with one of my closest friends, and we came to the mutual conclusion that my mind built a connection of running meaning something is wrong, and that’s why I still have a hard time with running. (Good thing my trainer put sprints in my program, so I have to conquer that now.) In a later date, I’ve also used all kinds of online workout programs as a way of “working off extra fat or calories” - which of course didn’t work because I was not consistent, having enough fun or fixing my diet. 

My sleep. I haven’t slept as well in years as with the gym routine. No energy for massive rumination at night, just real, healthy tiredness and pretty sound sleep. I’m loving it.

My confidence. It’s hard to feel bad about yourself when you’re lifting your body weight (or more) in an exercise. This also ties in with the body image in point two, I won’t obsess about my thighs being thick because you know what they can do? Lift a 300kg load in leg press. No one can tell me that I’m weak, because not only am I physically strong enough to do my whole program weekly, I also conquer my fear of being seen by going to a public place to workout. (Not that people at the gym have the time to really look at you, but you get the gist of it.) Another fear was conquered the very day I first stepped into the gym, because I hadn’t done it in years at that point, and had sworn a gym is too scary for me. 

My friendships. This probably sounds like a weird one. But let me explain. I’ve made two amazing friendships through this journey so far; my trainer, and the friend that inspired me to try this whole thing. These two women have shown me things about friendships I didn’t know I needed to learn; what hyping each other up actually looks like, what true vulnerability looks like, what accountability looks like, and what real, honest, adult friendship looks like. And that all is amazing. Through this, it’s more clear to see where I’m not met like this - and where that won’t likely happen based on patterns. So basically, I’ve been raising the bar of what is actually a friendship, and who on the other hand must be just an acquaintance. (By the way, this doesn’t mean someone is a bad person or anything, it just means we’re not compatible to be close friends.) I may have a whole post about adult friendships in the works, and I’ll post it somewhere during this autumn/winter. If that interests you, I recommend you keep an eye on my Instagram, because I’ll keep updating there (mainly on the stories) when something new is up. 

That's all I have for you today, but luckily the next post will drop right next week. Unlike with some previous rounds, I'll aim for one post per week - most of them completely pre-written (yes, I've been prepping for this comeback, actually). If you've been here before, I know I sound different. The writing isn't all bubbly and positive and happy-happy-joy-joy - it sounds darker, more sarcastic, less fluff. I wouldn't say that's because I'm less happy than I was before, but rather that I'm more confident in myself and my words, so that I don't have to just write superficial, bubbly things to be liked. I'm not doing this to be liked. If you like my writing, cool; glad to have you here. If not, cool, you don't have to read it. But those of you who do, I hope I'll see you here next week.