My rest, and getting enough of it

I’m very guilty of sacrificing a bit of my sleep to make my hours in a day to be enough, but I try my best to do less and less of that by the day. Most things aren’t that urgent. In fact, sleeping on it for a night is usually a very good way to go. Besides, if you sleep too little, everything else will eventually start collapsing too. 

And of course, rest is not only sleep, it’s also giving my brain some boredom every now and then. I’m very bad at “not thinking anything”, but it’s also something I try my best to learn - so I definitely need my screenless times without all the notifications and constant stimulation. This is where silent mode and “do not disturb” become very handy. 

Moving my body

An absolute non-negotiable. I make sure I get my three gym days per week most weeks. It makes me a more tolerable person, it makes me calmer, it makes me sleep better - and most importantly, it’ll give me a healthier, stronger future. I’m also well aware I need to get more steps into my days, and that is something I really need to work on next. Luckily I have a runner as a husband so I’m sure he can inspire me to do small jogs every now and then. 

My nutrition

“She’s going on about protein again!”

Yes she is. She’s also about to tell you that neither carbs or fats are your enemy, and that you need to eat enough, and it actually does matter how and what you eat. Oh, and you have to be mindful of getting enough fibre, especially with all the protein.

I used to be a person who skipped breakfast and sometimes other meals too in order to be tinier. I’ve tried sugar-free months, treat-banning diets, restrictive diets and all that jazz. None of that made me happy, none of it made me skinny. What it did, however, was mess up my nervous system and hormones. Cool. 

Since I am strength-training, I’ve had to re-think how I nourish myself, and how to get enough energy, protein, vitamins and all that from my food. It’s not a perfect system yet by any means, but I feel happier and healthier, so that’s something! So, I’ll eat a homemade lunch every day at work with decent macros, have some smoothies and yogurts as snacks and typically a homemade dinner in the evening. I like to know what’s in my food, and I like the fact that I can easily count my macros if something feels off and then I can adjust things (because I rotate a few familiar things most of the time). 

And no, this absolutely doesn’t mean that I don’t eat treats at all - I absolutely do - but rather that I try to be what I eat and why.

How I spend my free time

I don’t doomscroll, I don’t lay on a couch binging series, and I don’t mindlessly watch YouTube from days on end. Not to say I’m somehow morally superior or better in any way, it’s just that for me, those don’t really give joy. (And I do, on rare occasions, enjoy a bit of scrolling, but then it has to be positive content - my rule for myself is that I don’t let myself spiral over negative content.) Whenever I do any of these, I can feel myself losing my spark. Now if you give a craft project and then put a series in the background, I’m happy as a clown. My personal human need is to do, feel and create, so I want to spend as much time as I can on those instead of consuming yet another thing. Unless it’s music or books. Then I am a consumer, unapologetically. 

While I do enjoy an occasional popping into a fun store and looking for some items, snacks, or whatever, I couldn’t even imagine naming shopping as a hobby like I used to. Browsing endlessly in stores (online or offline) doesn’t really bring me joy apart from a select few - although I do like it as a part of spending time with friends every now and then. But I wouldn’t suggest it as the first option, if I initiated a hangout with someone. I’d rather have a coffee and talk to you.

Most days, I like just staying home and spending time with my husband and cat. I don’t have an excessive need to be going out all the time, especially because that enables excess spending, which I’m also trying to be better at. (And we’ll talk about next!)

How I spend my money (and why I spend it)

I want to be way more intentional about where I put my money. Especially now that everything is getting more expensive by the day. I also don’t want to have a truckload of stuff that doesn’t stay organized and then becomes mental clutter. (Besties, this is your gentle reminder to think if part of the reason you’re exhausted and unfocused is being surrounded with too much stuff!)

Admittedly, I have a bit of a struggle with the scarcity mindset myself, which has in the past fueled my shopping habits a lot. This manifested itself as a “need” for shopping whenever I found a good sale, even if I didn’t really need anything, because I convinced myself that I had saved so much buying from sale (even though the actual saving would have been not buying anything), I got the dopamine hit from getting something new (that would actually bring me stress because I had too many clothes), and could show everyone I got something new (look you all, I have money - despite buying from an H&M sale, so cool girl, you had 5 Euros). I’m not saying I’m over buying things I don’t need, but at least now I recognize it’s a “want” and not a “need”.

And while doing this shadow work on myself, I’ve personally come to the conclusion that I don’t want to excessively share online if I get something new unless I actually use it, or am just super excited about it. Like what’s the point of me showing you a clothing item unless I show you an outfit you can style with it? Or, why show you a makeup palette unless I give an example of what to create with it? I personally don’t see the reason, I feel like items are meant to be used - for the most part, anyway. And I feel we should show more of the things that look like they’ve been loved and used over pristine ones, because if you want to see unused things, just go to the store? (This is not to bash collectors by the way! I always appreciate a well-organized collection.) 

What I put my energy and time into

A very important point, actually. Especially important, if you’re trying to change something in your life. If you keep pouring yourself into the same cycles, nothing will change. If you put your energy into one-sided relationships, those will only take and never give anything back. If you put your time in rumination, you’ll enforce negative pathways in your brain, and that will keep you stagnant. To give some examples.

For example, I personally won’t spend my time talking about other people for hours and hours. This’ll sound cold, but most people are not all that interesting. I will talk about behaviours though, but I try to keep it at a generalizing level rather than dogpiling onto a certain person (unless of course someone has done something very bad). Because patterns and concepts are interesting, individual people usually are not (unless they are exceptionally inspiring). I also always feel like if I keep mentioning someone’s name that gives more power to them so I rather don’t give the name a value at all. 

We all have a limited time in our day, and a limited amount of energy to use (especially true if you also have children or people you need to take care of). You should be mindful where you use them. Both of them. You may reset your energy, but you don’t get your time back. So choose wisely what you do with it. 

And no, my overachiever twins, this does not mean it all has to be productive! Some of it should be just pure fun too. Not everything in this life needs to be measurable.

Who I surround myself with

This is not to say I need to have a bunch of yes-sayers around me. Not at all actually. I like it when people have differing opinions, as it broadens my thinking. But, we as humans crave our tribe, often so much so that we adapt to fit in. If you surround yourself with people who don’t support your growth and goals, it’s that much harder to get there. And if you have a habit you want to grow out of, you may want to (at least temporarily) distance yourselves from the people who enable the habit. 

Like, for example, with the aforementioned shopping behavior; Since I have done the shadow work on my own behavior, as well as knowing my triggers for it, it’s very hard for me to see other people doing the exact same thing (whatever your reason for it is). This is not me saying you’re in any way a bad person if you spend all your money and save little to nothing. It’s your money, do what you wish. But if you are a person who then tries to make me do that too, I can’t be around you. I’m not going to ruin my established habits for your comfort, or to enable you. That is not my job. Especially not as a friend. 

This goes for all kinds of habits, working out, having a good diet, prioritizing rest or whatever else. Not that everyone needs to clap for you all the time (in the end, that’s your own job), but you need people around you that at least respect you for making your own choices - especially if they enhance your life. To me, this comes kind of down to having the same core values, even if we don’t go about them the same way. After all, your circle shouldn’t be your clones. 

And, I pay attention to how people make me feel. If I see a person making micro expressions every time I tell them about something great happening, I take a note. Every time my misfortune becomes a competition of who has it worse, I take a note. When something I create gets belittled, I take a note. Every time my win (big or small) is followed by a silence, I take a fucking note. Not only with the negatives, but I also know very well who cheer for me when I win and comfort me when I’m sad, and then I especially take notes. Again, it’s not about having yes-sayers, but rather building a tribe that supports and encourages, and that it goes both ways. 

This last point is a theme I’ve been thinking about quite in depth lately, so there’s a chance I make a whole entire post about auditing the relationships in my life and what happened after - but of course I have to be very intentional about how I word that so that I don’t hurt any feelings unnecessarily. I don’t ever want to claim someone is a bad person just because they don’t mesh with me. That being said, I refuse to silence myself just because my feelings make someone else uncomfortable.

So, that's the long-winded train of thought for this week. I think next week, I want to share the best things my inner circle has taught to me in recent years. Because while I love to write these kind of rant-vibed posts to get it out of my chest, I also have a lot of praise I'd like to share about my favorite people. And this world can always use more positivity so why not start close to home. So unless I get majorly inspired to write something at the end of the week, I'll be back next week with my inner circle post.